Friday, September 16, 2011

Life Sentence

I was at the gym on Monday. I was going big and not going home, pumping iron, tossing weights, maxing out, gettin’ ripped, and building mass… well I was at least drinking my electrolytes and watching other folks do all that when the DJ came on the radio and called me out. He spoke to my soul.

A retro-DJ with no relation whatsoever
to the DJ in my story.
“Yesterday,” he said in his radio voice, “was 911 and I had a few hours for reflection as a good friend of mine died last week and I attended his funeral. I stood in the sun and considered all of the wonderful things said about the man. How he was gracious and giving, and how he’d be missed. I asked myself then,”—the DJ went on—“as I ask myself now… why do we wait? Why don’t we tell people how we feel about them today, rather than wait until they are gone? For you folks listening, go tell someone how much you appreciate them today. Tell them how you value their friendship. Tell them you love them. It is important that we say these things when we feel them, so don’t hesitate. Go do it now… or not, if you don’t want to.”
Or not, if I don’t want to?! …What the hell? No, no, no Mr. DJ man, no! You just dropped your conviction on the way to your point. You had me. I was poised and ready to go hug a big sweaty workout buddy when your conviction just up and lost its balls.

Imagine the hangover if JK Rowling’s grand plan of “love conquers all” cruised into the wrong bar and got all staggery-drunk on magic? Or if Dorothy and the Tin Man and the Lion and the Scarecrow learned that to find their respective home, heart, courage, and brains, they just need apply for a VISA gold card (because everyone knows that The Emerald City doesn’t take American Express)?

C’mon folks, all of you DJs and writers and anyone else with a story… get yourself convicted
How is your conviction going?

Munk’s opening line…
Upon careful examination of the ape’s dead caterpillar, Mynce knew the real culprit was a small, left-handed child, three to four inches in height, and proficient with mint-waxed dental floss.
Munk's "Opening Line" is yours to keep, use it. Munk

Today’s music is dedicated to TJ Riles and Jayne, both of whom I expect are future (or current) fans of the Avett Brothers, I am not choosing the most accessible cut from the bro’s Emotionalism CD, but I love this song because of its breadth, its banjo (yes Jayne, the banjo takes stage-center), and its obvious pop leanings (think Pet Sounds gone Americana). God only knows… Paranoia In B Flat Major. 



Bryan Russell said...

Was actually listening to that song this morning (though I have it on one of their live albums).

Jayne said...

"I was poised and ready to go hug a big sweaty workout buddy when your conviction just up and lost its balls." Ha! That's quite an image!

Aw, Munk, you are so sweet. Have I told you how much I love, love, swoon, love, swoon, love the Avett brothers? The world would be so blessed with just one of them, but two? Well, that is just divine. There's a grand plan there.

And I wrote a Frolic on them, too (it's on the list somewhere). But I'm so tongue tied by their brilliance that all I could manage, at the time, was a poem. ('Cause they're heart breakers, too, you know.)

Now don't leave that big, sweaty workout buddy hanging there--go give him a hug.

Hugs to you. ;)

Michael Offutt said...

That opening line is too much. How do you come up with this stuff...oh're crazy. I get it now. <3

When you were talking about the D.J., I was reminded of Madonna who, in one of her songs, begins with "Hey Mr. D.J...." And can you get drunk on magic? What would that look like exactly? Would it be similar to having your genes spliced with those of an ant? I don't know.

And just so you know...small, left-handed children are evil. Evil is always on the left...the Last House on the Left, the last cell on the left where Hanibel Lecter resided, and the fact that U.S. Navy Seals use a left-handed shooter. I'm sure the person that gets hit by the bullet would agree with me...pure evil.

Donna K. Weaver said...

Truth! I love this post.

"I was poised and ready to go hug a big sweaty workout buddy when your conviction just up and lost its balls.:

And that says it all.

Matthew MacNish said...

I used to be a DJ. Not that kind, though. Not a radio jockey. A guy who mixes records together at a night club. I wasn't very good at it.

L.G.Smith said...

It's not often you see a banjo front and center like that. Now THAT'S conviction.

K.C. Woolf said...

Good point about conviction. It's like making a passionate statement and ending with an apology.

Puzzling opening line! :-)

Marsha Sigman said...

I do hates it when someone drops their balls. If you can't follow though and stand your ground, then don't get up in the first place.

Also, I'm from the south. Loving the banjo is sort of required. And the fiddle...

Munk said...

@BR-Love that. Who knew?
@J-Hugs back, I'll forgo the workout buddy.
@MO-The number of things those silly Hogwarts' kids DON'T do with magic could fill seven more books... Book 8: "Harry Potter and the Lost Weekend".
@DKW-and consequences!
@MM-Break it down.
@LGS-Yeah baby, that's a five stringer.
@KC-By God your right! Sorry.
@MS-She's a pickin' and I'm a grinnin'.

Lydia K said...

Go and do something that means so much to so many...

...or don't.

Maybe it was a unconscious dare?

Suze said...

'You just dropped your conviction on the way to your point.'

Pitch-perfect. Munk, what a fabulous post. My conviction is at peak levels, thanks for asking.

The Gaelic Wife said...

What a wuss! I totally agree, Munk. He just dropped it.

As for your opening line:
...proficient with mint-waxed dental floss. Dropping to his hands and knees, Mynce furiously searched the ground. Pressed flat by the weight of the great ape's foot was a miniature hookah. "Alice!" Mynce yelled, realizing that in teaching her to use dental floss as a caterpillar bridle, he had neglected to inform her that mint is like arsenic to caterpillars.

Munk said...

@LK-I'd like to believe it so.
@Suze-keep at it.
@TGW-So very twisty. Love it.

Tim Riley said...

Love the song. Ready to download some ABs. How 'bout a few other song suggestions to get started.

Thanks for this post Munk. I had a bit of a falling out with a buddy recently, and your words make me realize how silly it is. I'm going to call him today and make things right.

Laila Knight said...

This is a thoughtful post and great bit of advice. We should tell people how we feel about them while we still can. Life itself will flow so much better then. :)

Elliot MacLeod-Michael said...

I'm sort of glad you didn't hug your sweaty gym partner though. Also I wouldn't expect much in the form of valor and derring-do from my local DJ.

Munk said...

@TJR-I buy into bands slowly. I have had the "Emotionalism" album for a few weeks now and I'm still finding things to swoon to. Hoping the call went well...
@LK-There is hope yet.
@EMM-Hugs. Never turn one down.

The Desert Rocks said...

Very touching, thanks for the reminder!

Jen said...

Nothing worse than someone who starts off strong and ends in a whimper...

I'v left an award for you on my blog Munk. Just cos you're awesome, and your opening lines are fun!